Let Them Starve?

As you know, were all about asking questions and expanding
perspectives here at the Ranting Walrus. As usual, we have
for you another unusual idea: "Why don't we let the
starving portion of the human population die off instead 
of increasing the population more so we can equal the
amount of food we have since we greatly outnumber our prey?"

The basic assumption here is that there's not enough food to
go around. I honestly don't know how much it would take to
feed the entire population of the world, but i had 3 meals
today, yesterday, the day before... And don't forget, this
country is having an 'obesity epidemic!' Its not that
there's not enough food, but the distribution of that food
is uneven.

Furthermore, there was some pertinent data collected from

the biosphere experiments. (If you're unfamiliar, a group

of scientists made a big giant dome that contained several

different climate zones (a tropical rainforest section, a

tundra, savanna, deciduous rainforest...) which they lived

in for two years, sealed off from the rest of the world)

They came up short on harvest, and were forced to

drastically restrict their diet, eating only one large salad

everyday. However, their health had never been better,

indicating that we would actually function better eating

less, which if acted upon, would free up even more resources

to be shared among the starving.

An interesting side note: when your stomach is empty, it
secretes a hormone called ghrelin which has been positively
correlated with increased creativity and intelligence. My
thoughts are this is an evolutionary adaptation: when you're
starving, its because you haven't been able to get food. Your
stomach makes ghrelin, and suddenly you start thinking in new
ways, and devise a new plan to get your meal. The existence
of such a hormone also validates dreams of smart drugs...
but thats probably not happening anytime soon.

And as far as competition: why compete when you can
cooperate? Cooperation just makes more sense: you're
getting another person to do your work, and it doesn't
get much better than that. Helping people is not only
a better thing to do morally, but its just as good if
you look at it in terms of numbers. If you do nice things
for people, they are more likely to return the favor.
You feel good about yourself, thus boosting self image.

So its in your best interests to help those around you.
Hence why we need to devise ways to help these people
living in squalor worldwide. I had an idea a few months
ago to potentially cure a lot of diseases with nothing
but a pocket full of jelly beans, a head full of lies,
and more optimism than is necessary. Imagine a bunch of
fake doctors, giving jellybeans as placebo drugs to
people and telling them its medicine that will cure AIDS,
malaria, etc. There are different ways to boost the
effectiveness of a placebo: a red pill will work better
than a blue pill; a happy doctor will have better
results than a grumpy or indifferent doctor. Unfortunately,
this idea was brought before a big debate in the APA and
they declared it unethical, but that just means I'm not
going to have their support. If I can get a success rate
of 51%, that means more people are benefiting from it
than not, so its better for the majority of people if
it works. That's the only problem... I don't know for
sure exactly how effective this will be. I can say that
placebos from other studies have had success rates of
up to 50% (these were for antidepressants, which were
found to be just as effective as the actual meds... don't
bother buying the real drugs, buy the illegal ones, they
will cheer you up with much more reliability than the
legal ones will), but these were for painkillers. Since
pain is a purely psychological phenomenon, applying a
new mode of thinking would be one way to cure that problem,
but would it be enough to work on other, germ based
diseases. There is evidence to indicate yes. Although with
viruses it might not be the same: you can reduce the
symptoms of the person, but once you have a virus you
will always be a carrier. So even though you won't suffer
from AIDS, you can still pass it onto those who don't have it.

And for increasing the population, yes, there are a lot of
people on this earth, probably more than our food supply can
handle, but who are we to deny the basic needs of life for
our fellow man? I believe you should lend a hand wherever
you can, especially if it would save a life. Even if you have
the people compete over their resources, you'd have survival
of the fittest. But then again, cooperation instead of
competition would allow more people to survive... which
means the most cooperative people would survive. Who knows,
maybe if we can get in harmony with our planet it will
sustain more life than we originally thought.

This is all very idealistic, but man has been killing off
his brothers since recorded history, so I don't seriously
think theres any future hope of humans forgetting about
things like anger and revenge and pursuing cooperation over
competition. Humans will be humans, and there will probably
never be world peace, and that my whole plan for the future
will never happen as well. This question is more a predictive
model than a plan of action. Those in starving lands will
perish while the rich hoard up all the food.

That's just human nature.

Enter The Bathroom

my english teacher made the mistake of asking me to write a free verse poem...
i read it to my class before she had a chance to stop me
best awkward 5 minutes of my life
anyway, here it is


I sprint into the bathroom, clutching my butt with both hands.
Oh boy, this ones gonna be a dozy, I catch myself speaking to the mirror
as a sopping wet fart is set forth from my colon, which immediately kills a small mouse
my pants drop like birds dying in flight,
then i sit on the throne and let that hot ass cake flow

the sounds from that bowl could forgivably be confused with aliens shooting giant whale carcasses into the ocean at the speed of light in the attempt to destroy the planet
in fact, you could feel the splash of cold water and warm feces on your soft, sensitive tu-cas.
and suddenly: the scent of death
it hung so thick in the air you could see it
and trace letters in it
i write boo.. oobi... bies...
They are surrounded by the color of wilted flowers that have been rotting in the sun for a few days,
but not to the point where flies were killing each other to get to that stinky goodness

Relief! What joy! The pleasure of an emptying intestine cannot be overstated:
its better than anal sex
which is only half good cause going out is by necessity step 2
but boy, is step 2 nice...
Almost worth it, and on some occasions is

at last my shit is done
i peer down into the steaming bowl and notice that an alarmingly large island now stands in the center of the bowl
i shall name it killberra mountain
because the kernels of corn remind me of maple trees in the fall
And the consistency of the bowel movement is approximately the same viscosity as custard
hard and firm if you grab it
but soft and flowing when you gently drag your hand through it
maybe you can feel it now?
You know you can.

its beautiful, in a way
cause half of the weight of fecal matter comes from dead bacteria that live inside my intestines
life is everywhere

i think about how to best approach the act of wiping
and how the soft paper draws little flecks of shit from my anus like a graveyard draws a necrophiliac
i reach back and grab the roll and start the arduous process
rip, shove, wipe, fold, repeat until step 3 cannot be repeated, toss
repeat, oh shit
repeat repeat repeat

proud of my efforts, and declaring my ass wiped,
i rise from the special seat and flush
but wait! Mt killaberra isnt going down without a fight
the earth shakes as the tectonic plates of fiber beneath the Mexican chilli wiggle
volcanoes erupt: hot gas and shards of hardened shit fly everywhere

The water level rises as the force of the water down is not enough to shake loose the tremendous mountain of shit
Niagra falls in miniature, complete with boulders and observable currents!
Little heaps of light brown poop make polka dots on my neon green floor
but the separated flecks of corn seem to be blending remarkably well
the water carries all this and more like a rat carrying the plague
and just as flea bitten and mangy
PANIC! pangs of nausea sweep my body
hands clutch my mouth,
but young saplings burst forth and grow in spite of being in the center of the parking lot
suddenly the puddles on my floor elevate and turn the shade of green algae in my fish tank

but i know better, i can win this fight
i grab my plunger and shove
pull back, shove
pull back, slip on shit, fall and roll in the giant mess that now spans the entire floor of my bathroom and may possibly extend out into the hallway
i am now damp, and my cologne is obscured by the smell of decaying bacteria, bacteria decomposing food, decomposed food
decomposition
death

i recover and, jumping to my feet,
i wiggle the flushing thingy again and set forth the wrath of my toilet’s water pump.
Like a mouthful of robotusson, the toilet clears its throat and swallows the giant mess that originated from my eating of an apple, some broccoli and a Chalupa (or three)
i lie, seven was my lucky number last night.

suddenly i am left standing
in the disaster area that is my bathroom
the excitement is over
time to return to my abstract life
this normal part is starting to scare me.

A Shamanistic Perspective

I was recently admitted to a hospital for pulmonary reasons, and I'm
going to describe my experience in terms of shamanic practice instead
of conventional 'I went to the hospital and they gave me medicine..."
For those interested in placebo medicine and making treatment more
effective, LISTEN UP.

Upon realizing I was unable to cope with my illness alone, I summoned
the aid of some medicinal professionals. They came, dressed in strange
clothing and speaking some mutated version of English I had never
heard before. One carried in a bag of strange deceives. From this bag,
he plucked some magical gadgets and attached them to various parts of
my body. The machine had more lights and wires than I'd ever care to
understand. After joining myself with the machine, it began to emit a
series of beeping noises, which somehow made sense to the man. He
shouted something in his strange language to his female friend, who
had been writing continuously ever since she had entered my home. She
then proceeded to ask me semi-meaningful questions about my past and
wrote down my answers on her mysterious sheet. Next they strapped another apparatus to my face,
which began misting and a sudden wave of comfort passed over my lungs
as I felt the sudden ability to breathe return to me. They consulted
each other once more, and decided I needed to be moved to a place of
healing.

They walked me out to a strange machine, which was colorful and very
clean. I was seated inside on a small couch, surrounded by metal and
medicines. I was allowed to keep the mysterious misting mask they had
previously given me, and my breathing continued. The machine made a
loud noise, then began to move. As it progressed, the woman began to
comfort me, making small talk about me and my future. The ride was
pleasant enough, and quick. I arrived at the hospital, where I was
surrounded by strange looking people with foreign accents who kept
giving me different medicines and speaking that bizarre language.
After several confrontations with the doctors, I was transported to
another room with several other OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD SCREAMING BABIES HOLY
SHIT IT WAS HORRIBLE. (but I digress...) Here I was attached to
another beeping machine. More and more doctors and nurses came to me,
all smiling and telling me I was doing great. They gave me a small
plastic machine, which apparently I had a na
tural talent for. I was able to the the bar all the way to the top on
my second try.

At this point, all the details can be blended together. Nurses would
see me every 4 hours, continuing to give me words of encouragement and
EVER MORE MEDICINE.  A Super doctor also visited me, who told me my
future and prescribed me various medicines for future treatment. With
an assload of paper work, I was discharged from the hospital and
allowed to return to my home.

The phrase to remember here is 'establish meaningful routines.' If you
actually care enough to think about that and get stumped, ask about it
and I'll explain. It's too confusing for me to explain on two bowls, 3
hours of sleep, and a full bladder at 2AM.

Just so y'all don't think we're dead...

We're not dead. I currently am bogged down with term paper business, watching too much TV after promising myself that I'll never watch TV again, masturbating (of course) and being too fucking lazy to write any new shit. However, there will be a WEIRD ASS article on universes and a continuation of the Art of Thinking series that deals with the philosophy of "insanity", both by yours truly. And we all know that whatever pops into Fez's head is fucking AWESOME and WEIRD at the same time...so once his computer stops fucking men, I'm sure he'll post those too.

And SHAAAMPOO MASTER...when the fuck are you gonna post something, eh? Yup you heard right! We have a new member to the walrus family, but until he posts something, I will refer to him as Maggott McGee, for clearly he is not a master of any shampoos as of late. LOLZ!!

Ahh! The sweet smell of...AWW GODD! WTF??? IS THAT ROTTEN FISH??
In case you didn't know, I ate smoked white fish yesterday (mmm...toasty) and it tasted AMAZING but it funkified my kitchen with the smell of decaying fish.

Hmm...what other random shit could I tell y'all about...

I hope I kick ass on my term paper...cuz I officially give up on the bitch...NOW!!

AHA!! TAKE THAT ENTERTAINMENT OF THE ROARING TWENTIES!!!

Also, DUCK!!

Sorry, that was a goose.

BTW, I'm not high...I'm just frustratingly bored and feel like posting the most random pigeon droppings that I can.

I hope you enjoyed the excretion that I just pulled out of my nice, warm, hairy ass. Please do comment! I'd love to hear from people other than the morons writing this thing!

The Fiat Empire: The United States of America

Yeah...here's EVEN MORE on the Federal Reserve. The difference, however, is that it is explained MUCH better here than on any of my posts. It goes in full detail about WHY the Fed is unconstitutional. If you are an American, I urge you to watch this and learn the atrocities that your government willingly, but unknowingly, unleashed upon the middle class.

If you can't see the video, please visit here:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5232639329002339531&q=Federal+Reserve&hl=en

Gee...It's Getting Hot In Here! : The Art of Thinking Part 3

I really love this subject. I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it has to do with my infatuation of learning the truth behind things. Maybe it's because I believe the human race doesn't think anymore. Or maybe I'm trying to cover up the fact that I don't think and make VERY stupid choices in my life.

Whatever the reason may be, I am THE Psychedelic Thinker (as far as my myspace page is concerned).



As discussed in the last post of this series, I believe that entertainment is the ultimate way for the public to stop thinking. Have them feel accomplished and happy and without any knowledge. Furthermore, I believe that it's the government's fault.



By the way, i don't think EVERYTHING is the government's fault. Just certain things. Entertainment included.

Late last year, I was first introduced to a book called Fahrenheit 451. Yeah it was for school. It was also one of the ONLY books I read from beginning to end, let alone enjoyed! If you haven't read it, I won't spoil the plot for you. However, there are a few things I do have to make clear: the world that Ray Bradbury created in his novel is turning into reality.

Montag, the main character, was a fireman. But in the future, firemen don't put out fires...they MAKE them. Their reason? Book burning. All books were banned and the only electronic devices like our own TVs and iPods were allowed. Basically, people were stupid. No...really. They couldn't think for themselves and depended on their TVs to tell them what to believe.

Sound familiar?

No wonder this book was banned...



It seems as if Bradbury looked into the future and wrote what he saw. Here's another shocker: It was written in 1953...many many years before the crisis we are facing in today's society.

And I'm not saying I'm no better. I use sparknotes with the best of em! In fact, this year alone, I've procrastinated more than I did in my whole freshman and sophomore year. And, despite recent attempts to quit watching TV, I personally can't help but watch the silly antics of a certain yellow and porous fellow. Recently I've actually been watching only the History Channel and CNN, but I dislike this too because I know of the propaganda they like to spread and of their hidden agendas.

I really wish it weren't so. Why does the media have to be so...gay? Why can't everything be normal?

Then again...what exactly is normal?

But that's another story.

Conspiracy Theorists...Who needs em?

Judging by my previous posts, I could assume that most of you think I am a so called "conspiracy theorist".

I'll say it right here and right now: I am not anything of the sort. I am, however a truth seeker.

Yeah...there's a difference.

There are people who believe in unproven theories regarding things such as lizard-people, astronaut gods and britney spears being a normal but misunderstood person.

All of those theories have not been proven, but are somehow believed by some. These few are called conspiracy theorists. They are few, proud and...well...weird!

A truth seeker, on the other hand, searches for the truth in politics, science, religion, and an assortment of other important issues and ideas. This is what I am. This is what the Walrus is all about. DON'T GET IT TWISTED!

The reason why I even bring this up is because I've heard the term THOUSANDS of times on the news recently.

"OMG HE'S A CONSPIRACY THEORIST!! HOW UNPATRIOTIC!!"

...

Yeah because believing in what the constitution says instead of what the media says is unpatriotic...yurp... I guess that also means that since I'm AGAINST abortion, I'm a murderer!

Get the facts straight people! We are all truth seeking walruses around these parts...

If you want a conspiracy theorist, go look up David Icke. Last I checked, he still believed Bush and Clinton were lizard-people...


End Transmission.

Science Gets Hip

For a rare moment in my life, I actually sat in front of an operational television set and watched an educational program. It was a documentary on Stephen Hawkins, which went into detail about one of his most heretical theories. In his study of black holes, he devised an equation that combined the forces of gravity, strong and weak electromagnetic forces, and some other stuff
that had previously defied being fit into a coherent equation with the other forces of nature (PHYSICS IS RACIST, TOO). Some might call this the HOLY MOTHERFUCKING GRAIL OF MODERN PHYSICS, but those with less open minds denounce it entirely since the whole theory is based on the idea that matter CAN be created and destroyed.

When a black hole is born, it begins sucking in matter around it. Its gravity pulls everything within its 'event horizon,' including light. (interesting side note: LIGHT IS MATTER SAYS HARVARD RESEARCH) Throughout the life of the black hole, matter is continuously sucked in until the black holes collapses on itself and 'disappears.' But when this black hole disappears, so does all the matter it sucked in. Where did all that matter go?

Another interesting phenomenon the equation predicted: suppose on board the Enharmonic Dwindledrive Spaceship Model 644.23, Ulrich decided to 'accidentally' genetically modify Moldera's favorite pet goat so it grew a few extra... branches, so Moldera ejected Ulrich into the vacuum of space to be sucked into a black hole. As Ulrich crosses the event horizon, Moldera sees him getting ripped apart atom by atom as time and space begin to fall apart, and then sees fractals forming in the chaos, and begins to realize that the universe is actually just a hologram of
a single proton... wait, am I describing black holes or an acid trip? WHY ARE THEY SO SIMILAR? However, Ulrich's perspective would be much less... interesting. He would simply float over the to black hole, and pass though unharmed. A rather boring and uneventful journey.

And now the moment you've been waiting for...
SPECULATION TIME!!!!

Again, the whole theory is based off the idea that matter can be created and destroyed. All of science says this isn't so, and if it was possible, physics as we know it would break down. However, I think the 'spontaneous' generation and degeneration of matter would follow calculable rules (chaos theory might come into play here...), as much other phenomenon does. But all this is simply logic without any support: BUT HOLD ON BUDDY, WE'RE GETTIN THERE. Look at death. Is not death the disappearance of life, or matter if we call it? This brings up the question: what is life? It's as real as the computer you're sitting at, the words your reading, the information you are processing. Light, as mentioned earlier, has been proven to be matter. Perhaps life is the same: in which, death would be the disappearance of matter, and that happens EVERY DAY.

With my previous thought, perhaps it could be possible to follow the decay of life until we reach
its endpoint. That would be interesting to put into use for individual people, but lets THINK BIG. How about the fate of our entire planet? Supposing we don't kill each other with technology or an asteroid comes and does the job for us, COULD WE SERIOUSLY PREDICT EVOLUTION?
And if we can predict it, can we sculpt it?

But of course, if matter can be destroyed, it can be created. Which means the miracle of life is getting closer and closer to being understood. And once its understood, then we can start becoming the gods we secretly know we are.

The Ulrich-Moldera situation poses a paradox: how can one be whole yet dead at the same time? This should violate rational thought: you can't exist and not-exist simultaneously. OR CAN YOU? I see no paradox: I see the destruction of the physical body as the mind remains intact. But I'd take it further. Where is Ulrich now? is he in some sort of afterlife? WHATS GOING ON HERE? Is he passing into some other dimension? And what happens to Ulrich now? Will he just drift about aimlessly or might he get recycled like everything else in nature? Suddenly reincarnation is making a lot more sense.

This is the first time science has ever come anywhere near talking about spirituality. We're living in interesting times, and things are gonna start getting REAL WEIRD. Hold onto your hats, ladies, the universe really is an acid trip, and you're invited to join the party.

Thinking...what is it good for? The Art of Thinking: Part 2

If any of you have been on my myspace page recently (and chances are that you haven't), you'll know that my url is "thinking is dangerous".

Why would I pick such an ABSURD url for a myspace page?

Well, that would be because thinking IS in fact quite dangerous.

Thinking is the most obvious and possibly the most IMPORTANT function of the human brain. It allows us to form opinions, remember which week to feed the cat, and recall what happened to that cat after leaving it starving for a few weeks.


Note: I do not own a cat, but I do happen to see them EVERYWHERE!!



The human brain is the most complex glob of tissue in your body (but I'm sure you know that already). What's important to know is that using this piece of matter could result in actually LEARNING something.

The brain allows you to question authority and all the education you've been given since your birth, as I explained in a previous post.

There is information out there that others don't want you to know (like the truth behind the Fed, for example). Knowing information is having power. We are all capable of this power and I encourage you all to get this power.

However, with this knowledge, comes GREAT responsibility.


Yeah I just TOTALLY ripped Spider-man there...

As you learn new information, it is vital for you to share this information, or else it will DIE!!
In other words, if information doesn't spread, no one will know the truth. And if no one knows the truth, how can we defeat the evils among us?

On a slightly random point, you probably noticed the new poll I set up, right? There's a reason why I put such a random poll up: Reading is important. No, I'm not trying to sound like an English teacher or your mother. What I mean is, to form opinions, you must actually KNOW something. Therefore, you must READ YOUR FUCKING ASS OFF.

But why? The TV provides us with PLENTY of information!

Please don't get me on that rant again.





...





Too late!

All television provides is a certain PERSPECTIVE on the news. It gives you news about what THEY feel is important. Plus they have their own agenda to fulfill. They push certain political parties down your throat, give attention to the scientists promoting global warming (there's actually scientists out there that flat out REJECT this theory...but no one will tell you about them), and say the word "terror" about a gajillion times in one hour to promote the War in Iraq.

And don't get me wrong. Watching the news is important. You need to get the weather SOMEWHERE...

Besides getting information, reading increases your brain's functionality, which also allows you to form more educated opinions. It probably wouldn't hurt to have an extended vocabulary, too!

Back on the topic of thinking, it is my personal belief that the Establishment doesn't want you to think. I mean, you have the media spoon feeding you their "information", cartoons and sitcoms "dumbing you down", you have the internet (if used the wrong way) that also stupifies you...

So basically what I'm saying is this: Entertainment is another tool used by the government to stop you from thinking.

Cliff Hanger...