BIG NEWS!!

Ok...it's not THAT big, but it's sort of important.

There is now a new blog for your viewing pleasure. It's called One Mind At A Time...

http://onemind.blog.com

If you truly know me and what has been written on this site, you know what the above blog is about. HOWEVER, this does NOT mean that the Walrus has died! It is still functioning perfectly and will continue to survive as long as there is an Ocean and sea critters to nibble one (in case you didn't catch the reference, the ocean is the Internet and the critters are YOU, the reader. Yes, we eat our readers)

So without further ado, please welcome One Mind as a new member to the Walrus Family!

ALSO...

I have received word that Ron Paul has written a book! It's called The Revolution- A Manifesto. Yours truly will certainly buy/steal this book and share it's wisdom to my walrus brethren. Once this book is in my possession, I will gladly write an article about it. Until then...

May the Schwartz be with you!

Why does everyone hate America?

Maybe it's because we're indolent and good for nothing bums.

Ok, maybe not everybody. But seriously. In what other country would you be able to ask your teacher (impolitely, i might add) why the subject at hand is relevant to society? In almost ANY other country, that would get a smack in the face or at least a detention. In fact, many foreigners would also give you a smack in the face for saying that as well. Why? Because many immigrants (even the illegal ones) come here to get a better life, to learn and to work. And what do Americans do? Complain. Don't do shit. Sit around and wait for the magic fairies to do all the work. Then complain some more.

And then we all wonder why every other country hates the US. It's because we want EVERYTHING with little to no work.

Not to be stereotypical of Asians, but why is it that they are (usually) straight A students? It has nothing to do with the rice content of their blood, rather the fact that their parents (who are most likely immigrants) kick their ass if they don't. And plus, these people mostly have respect for the elderly that Americans do not.

And I'm not trying to have a racist rant here either. I'm just spitting out a few facts that you all can't deny. It doesn't just apply to Asians and Asian-Americans. It applies to most foreigners who come to the US for the "American Dream". It applies to Mexicans. It applies to Africans. It applies to Italians. It applies to EVERY walrus on the face of the Earth that isn't American.

That also isn't to say that ALL Americans fit this mold. There's PLENTY of Americans studying and working their ass off to get a few dollars. But the fact is that there aren't NEARLY enough of them. And that's why countries hate us so much: we're ignorant, lazy and pathetic. Myself included.

Mind you this is coming from the person who dislikes the school system almost as much as he hates the Federal Reserve system.

All I'm saying is that maybe instead of turning our Ipods on at full blast and watch horrible TV sitcoms we should give a book a chance. Maybe draw something. Take a walk. Study a little more. Stop writing blogs and go finish your English homework.

Oh shit...I have English homework?

Random Poetry

Written in less than ten minutes, I thought this poem was good enough to post on the Walrus. So...enjoy!

Oh and also, this is property of the Ranting Walrus and (as with anything on here) is copyrighted by its writers. Do not steal or use any of this without permission.

Thank you.


Fight
For the right
And power to spread the light.

Our might
In the night
Let's us free the ones in sight

Give us time
To sublime
The imprisoned one's mind

Maybe there
We can share
Our power if we dare

But be warned
That your scorn
May result in your demise

So be wise
And surmise
That your pain is our disguise

Beatniks, Hippies, and And Why Everyone Else Sucks

Ok, so maybe that title is a wee bit...how you say...harsh. But it got your attention didn't it?

Or maybe not.



Anyway, I've been reading a lot of Jack Kerouac lately (and if you're close to me in ANY way, you're sick of hearing about him). And I guess my lazy ass became less lazy when I realized that I had an essay on one of his books due a few days ago. So that's how I got back into the act of reading (because I'm a lazy sparknotes-using bum). And I just think the guy's a fantastic writer (who happens to have a great eye for style, according to GQ).



I guess the first time I heard about Kerouac was actually in my Creative Writing class. My absolutely TERRIBLE teacher happened to mention him. Back when I still had some sort of respect for her, I took the name down in my notebook and moved on with life. Then I read about him online on some hippy website. So I say to myself "Is this guy like some sort of SQUID or something?" So naturally I checked out one of his works when I found he was on my list for my English term paper. I was all set.



And just so you don't think this was some random post, I'm going to connect this to the Walrus in some way.



I think Kerouac personifies the word "Walrus" in ways Lennon couldn't put to song. Being a ranting walrus requires a topic you wanna rant about and just go on and on and on and on about it until everyone is sick of the subject. Kerouac had a vision about a free-spirited youth that did whatever they felt like, which included having casual sex, smoking a ton of pot, and listening to music no one else would listen to. His books were flooded with such imagery. His LIFE was flooded with such imagery.

And yet he somehow hated hippies. Go figure!

Now go read On The Road. And when you're ready to hitch hike across America, give me a holler and off we'll go!

Modern Schooling System: Introduction

Coming to the end of my senior year in high school, and thus leaving standard public education system forever, I think I can safely say the most interesting, useful, and informative things I've come across in life had nothing to do with the modern educational system.

Public education today is in a horrid state of affairs: creativity is discouraged, blind submission is mandatory, and nothing useful is taught. Even worse, although students are taught fact after fact from age 6 to 18, many students don't really learn anything.The good students grow up to be model citizens who are afraid of getting into trouble or sticking out from society in any way.

But I try to avoid explanatory models and stick to predictive models and improvement. If allowed to continue unchanged, the 'model person' will become so bogged down by trivial 'facts' like George Washington won the Second World War, the Universe is made up of String Cheese, and the sex lives of celebrities, that much useful information would get pushed out of the way simply because it is not valued by a society that doesn't value excellence in thought.

We see this in art. "There are only a few successful artists in the world, and the odds are not in your favor that you will become one of them," say many responsible, caring adults. This discourages many impressionable, trusting children from pursuing a career in the arts. Does this mean there's no talent? No, just that one will probably not make an income to support the standard model of living that the model person is told they want.

Imagine this on an intellectual level: the current trend in securing cheap labor is to go overseas and exploit poor countries' desperate people. It is likely that in a few centuries of time, this form of slavery will somehow become outdated, around the same time the dilemma of employing the people who were replaced by machines will get solved. This will all lead to a giant work force who will be used for simple, basic labor. At that point, basic schooling won't be necessary, as all one would need to do was learn how to do one simple job and go to a factory looking for employment.

This would probably lead to worker abuse as witnessed throughout the rest of history, but I fear I've presented enough information for now (which is the fancy way of saying I've drifted way off topic). But this thread is by no means dead: this is the beginning of a new series. Tomorrow will bring a synopsis of the material currently covered in schools.

And by tomorrow, I mean next time I go on this thing.

Derren Brown Simulates Drunkenness

If you don't know who Derren Brown is, I highly recommend you look him up, he's a saint here at the Ranting Walrus. Derren makes his living royally fucking around with peoples' heads. The things he can do with your mind are astounding, like this. All this is done using a bizarre, relatively new branch of psychology known as Neurolinguistics Programming, or NLP.

I asked a friend of mine, Dr. Richard Gray, Ph.D, on how Derren did this particular trick. Dr. Gray has a Ph.D in psychology and is a certified master practitioner of NLP with years of study and experience behind him. There are his words, used without permission and hopefully he wont be angry with me for sharing:

1. Establish rapport and get him to do something. "Bring that chair over here". This establishes a yes set, a cooperative frame.

2. Have the subject remember the state and differentiate the state from others: you’re a cider man not a beer man. Remember the state and disassemble it into sequences of feelings. Note how he questions him about sequences of experience. First place he was aware of the experience---in the mouth, then back of throat, and what was felt there. Then down to the sternum and what was felt there. To the stomach, etc. First, I think he touches the leg as an anchor for each step.

3. As he repeats the steps, each time the subject names a place and a specific felt memory of that specific sensation, he touches him there with a very specific kind of touch, an anchor. In some places, especially as the feeling moves down his body and shoulders, the anchor is a sliding anchor that matches the increase of intensity of the state and will evoke that segment of the state in an increasing manner.

4. He has the subject repeat the sequence fast several times. As he goes through the places, he fires off the anchors.

5. He tells the subject to loop the state (this increases its intensity) while he continues to fire off the anchors. He goes faster and faster and suggests that each loop builds on the last and with each loop the intensity doubles. Watch the fast part of the movie and watch how he touches the guy. Each time he is firing off the anchors and giving suggestions about the increasing intensity of the state.

6. At the same time he begins to anchor the whole thing to the word that he has written on the pad so that the word becomes an anchor for the increasing state as a whole. “Look at this word and later when you see this word it will bring the whole thing up again...

7. Once the state is stable and fully anchored to the word,all he has to do is show him the word and it evokes the state.

Poop Report: Entry 1

Date:
4-2-2008

Subject:
Fesomelia Straelemotus

All food consumed in the past 3 days:
4 slices of pizza, 3 glasses of Pink Lemonade, a chocolate bar, a ham sandwich, 48 peanuts, an egg, three potatoes, a tub of slaw, 4 plates of hot buttered groat clusters, a cat, the pubic hair I found in my Calc book today, 1 gallon of tap water, and some grapes.

Did you have a previous movement today?
No

Do you have a regular bowel expulsion cycle? If so, at what times does your bioclock ring to let you know Mother Nature will be calling?
Yes, at 3pm daily.

Did you engage in any anal intercourse in the past week?
No

Experience:
For 22 seconds, 25.7g of movement mixed with 2.4 L of flatulence shot out of my lower intestine. It displaced 17 fl. oz when placed in my sink. The movement consisted of two pieces of dry, firm bowel of 10 cm and 25cm in length and 2 cm in radius. The movement was a light yellow brown color. The scent was strongly egg with undertones of sulfur. Taste was overwhelmingly bitter and carried an aftertaste of blood. 23mL of urine was collected at 95.6 degrees Fahrenheit, and the urine was observed to be a vibrant shade of neon yellow (previously determined to be due to heightened consumption of Vitamin B12). Cleanup was easy, medium amount of buildup left an anal ring with partial veil. 5 strokes with 4 squares of toilet paper using the fold-over method removed all buildup. 12.6 revolutions were counted before the large bowel was sucked down into the lower plumbing. No streak marks were left in the toilet, from entry to exit. No backwash was recorded. Aftereffects included heightened levels of relaxation and happiness.